Lesson #124: Before I'm 30

It’s Wednesday. And it’s raining.

 

And I’m eating chocolate in bed before noon.

 

I am an adult.

 

Which means I can also get wine drunk on a Tuesday night and sleep in for the second day in a row and not put on a bra until 3pm just because I had nowhere to be. Actually that probably isn’t real adult behavior. Because real adults have real jobs that don’t give them days off during the week. But whatever. Get off my case.

 

Either way, I am making great life decisions.

 

Which brings me to my lesson for the day. Which is not so much a lesson as it is just a list of things. But that happens all the time so you should just be used to it by now.

 

Because I am making great life decisions these days, I thought it was the right time to make a list of things I’d like to do before I’m 30. Because that is only eight years away. Eight years ago I was 14. Holy crap that was really eight years ago? Oh my god I am old.

 

Anyway, yes. Here is my list of things I’d like to do sometime before I’m 30.

 

1. Move out of my parents house. I actually have mostly real plans to do that this year. So keep your metaphorical fingers crossed.

 

2. Get within arms reach of Ryan Gosling.

 

3. Unfriend all the people whose Facebook statuses make me dry heave.

 

4. Completely repress any and all memories of my 20th birthday.

 

5. Get a job doing what I’m actually good at and that doesn’t have anything to do with a mall.

 

6. Outgrow my lactose intolerance.

 

7. Get married probably. I did already plan out that fantastic goth wedding in my head a couple of weeks ago. I wouldn’t want all of my hard work to go to waste.

 

8. Learn how to eat anything without spilling it on myself. I really wish bib-wearing was an appropriate adult activity.

 

9. To be able to pay rent, eat food other than ramen, and buy a new pair of shoes all in one month.

 

10. Be able to say no to the free bad decision shots at the bar.

 

11. Remember to get the oil changed in my car in a timely fashion. Instead of waiting until the “low oil level” warning comes on and then having mild panic attacks all day while I drive around hoping my car doesn’t die before I can get to the oil changing place. If they’d just make the adhesive stronger on those stickers none of this would happen.

 

12. Write a book. And make the picture of the alien in my gallbladder the cover.

 

13. Become friends with someone who has access to a giant taco suit.

 

14. Learn how to walk in high heels without feeling a constant sense of imminent doom and sprained ankles.

 

15. Make people laugh. Everyday.

 

 

So there it is. The fifteen things I’d really like to do before I’m 30.

 

I really just don’t ever think I’ll be able to walk in heels. I don’t.

 

I feel good about the Ryan Gosling thing though.

 

And the taco suit.