It’s Thursday and I am thinking seriously about eating a second breakfast.
My stomach is like a black pit today.
Before I forget, #postgraddreamlife is looking for GUEST BLOGGERS! I put that all in caps so that you’d notice it more. I used to do Guest Blogger Thursday every other week but then I mostly just forgot about it and also ran out of people that I knew of who wanted to write. So, if you are a post-grad with a lesson to teach and you are at least kind of funny and can spell words properly, you’re exactly who I’m looking for.
If you want to write a guest post, you can contact me through the comments section or on the #PGDL Facebook page! (Which you should be liking anyway, to feel like you’re a part of something.)
Now that I’ve got that out of the way, let’s talk about whatever we’re going to talk about today.
Yesterday, I told you all my goals of things I’d like to accomplish before I’m 30. And one of my greatest ambitions is to get within arms reach of Ryan Gosling. I feel like that is probably a shared goal for just about everyone in the world. Or at least there is someone, somewhere, whose personal space you would like to invade.
Because everyone is trying to get awkwardly close to someone they don’t actually know, I thought I’d make a helpful list of suggestions of things not to do when you meet Ryan Gosling. Because if you have any hope of him not calling security on you, you’re going to need to keep it together, girl.
Things not to do when you meet Ryan Gosling (or whoever you want to get inappropriately close to):
1. Don’t say “Oh my god, you’re Ryan Gosling!” He knows who he is. All of his credit cards and return address labels say his name on them. Maybe you should instead scream your name at him like it’s a big deal. Then he’ll know who you are.
2. Don’t touch his hair. Dudes like him probably spend a lot of time on it. Which is unappealing yet understandable at the same time.
3. Don’t cry. Your makeup will run all over your face and you will look like the scream mask. Or Diane Keaton after a rough night at the Oscars. Not cute.
4. Don’t say anything about The Notebook. He already knows how much you love it.
5. Don’t take creepy photos from far away and then come talk to him. He could see you taking those stalker pics, girl.
6. Don’t ask if you can have half of his cheeseburger. He wants the whole thing.
7. Don’t hyperventilate. It’s just a normal day. Where you met Ryan Gosling.
8. Don’t try to kidnap him. I know it seems like your plan is flawless. But it just will not end up with him marrying you. It won’t. Because you will be in prison.
9. Don’t show him the pictures of your future children that you photoshopped together with both of your features. Too soon, girl. Too soon.
10. Don’t ask him to add you on Facebook. Get it together, Ryan Gosling doesn’t have Facebook.
There you go. Things you really should just not do when you meet Ryan Gosling.
You should give him my number, though.
And tell everyone.